Market update with Stern Bears

(New York) Once again, all the drama was in the financial sector Monday and once again, the Nasdaq woefully underperformed. This is an all too familiar pattern in recent months. Heading into Monday’s session the Nasdaq was already in bear market territory (down more than 20% from its recent high) and had closed below its Jan. 22 intraday low a week ago.

Dow	11,972.25	21.16
Nasdaq	2,177.01	-35.48
S&P 500	1,276.60	-11.54
10 YR	3.31%	-0.11
Oil	$105.68	$-4.53
Gold	$1,002.60	$3.10

Rarrr! Rarrr! Grrrr!

(New York) “Rarrr! Rarrr! Grrrr!” Lunch was so good, back to work, back to work. Gotta be a broker, gotta get the money, Rarrr!

Q: How do we feel about the S & P 500 right now?

Answer: Bearish!

(Source)

I am really gonna need some advil

(Chicago) I am really “out of it” I was sleeping for like I don’t know, 3… 4… months. I don’t even know, what I do know though is that they need to clean up the frickin’ monkey cages in Lincoln Park Zoo. Pee-U!

Alright so the Stern Bear CEO wants an update, here’s an update.

I’m tired!, I’m sleepy!, I slept through football season & really need an Advil. That’s MY frickin update.

Jodhpur Market Update

(Rajasthan , India) It has been reported that spirit bear has an on- location report from Jodhpur market in India.

“Fruits and vegetables are selling very well today. The Stern Bears suggest that you sell heavily today as these prices won’t last. Their will be an influx from the Tamil region and the price of an onion may even drop by 50% by tomorrow at first bell.”

Rarrr. Happy St. Paddy’s Day.

(New York) “Rarrr! as most of you know this is a big bear bailout day and like the weather, business could always be better. More sunshine, more picnic baskets or so it goes. And even though we all work hard to make bear-kind what it is today, we can’t forget the little things that make getting up in the Spring worthwhile. So as the Stern Bears CEO, I would like to wish you all a very happy St. Patrick’s Day to you, yours, and cubs wherever they maybe.

Sincerely,

Stern Bear CEO

G’Day from the Koala Bears!

(Melbourne, Australia) “We love Eucalyptus leaves, Piggy back rides, and you! We are so cuddly and care free, we don’t think about anything but eating & sleeping ALL day. We love you, we are the Koala bears from Down Unda!”

“We are bears too and people always forget that!”

“We belly laugh and roll around the forest when no one else is here, we have disposable income when it comes to being cute, we are recession proof!”

Panda’s Mid-day Market Report

(Beijing) The Dow is down about 80 points. This is very good news for China. The NASDAQ is down 40 points which is even better news for China, because to the NASDAQ, that is almost 2%. That is 1.83% as of yesterdays market close. S& P is down too. I don’t know about American stock market, it is yankee trick. A Big Bear deal will go down later today, it will be the biggest Bear rescue in the history of Bears.

Wassup up baby doll?

(Santa Cruz) Chilly Chill y’all. Its sugar bear baby, so just cool it, and relax. So what is all this jive you be talking pappa bear? Grr Bear muttered some shit last Friday – did he say what I think he did?

Dang dude.

I got to get back to my Honeycomb crunch, KIT, and keep it real baby, keep it real c-o-o-o-l baby.

“Rarrr, I’m so pissed off right now!” Stern Bears Figurehead

“This is the family figurehead… and damnit, you bears really went ahead and did it this time!”

“We are going to get back to basics stat. I want constant daily updates and to know what is going on in the market. I’m so pissed off right now, and as family figurehead I can’t believe how you bears have gone and screwed this up for me and bears in general. Thank God for the United States Bear Leniency laws and goddamn ranger rick looking out for all of us. I could’ve just shit when I became conscious of this un-bearable news… >>>MORE

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