Daily Market Update with Teddy Bear

March 26, 2008


“Moody says JPMorgan is unaffected by a certain recent buyout, I am though, plum tuckered. All this he-said she-said, bear-bull has got me frumpy. I wish I could visit the Hoover Dam, but I’m stuck in a f**king playroom.” >>>More

Market summary

Mar 25 – Close
market_chart

Dow 12,532.60 -16.04 (-0.13%)
Nasdaq 2,341.05 +14.30 (0.61%)
S&P 500 1,352.99 +3.11 (0.23%)
10y bond 3.50% +0.02 (0.57%)
USD-Euro 0.640 -0.0094 (-1.446%)
USD-Yen 100.020 -0.5700 (-0.567%)
USD-GBP 0.499 -0.0052 (-1.037%)
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Daily Market Update with Chicago Bear

March 25, 2008

CHICAGO–First off… make clear Clear Channel happen. What is this BS? I want a full market report in my den in ten, New York is Going to have my hide! How many advertising dollars do I have to dish out? What is McCain straight talkin’ about today? The man is a hunter. We have to look past the party, we have to make deals happen, so sign on the line which is dotted!


Good Morning Wall Street.

March 25, 2008

NEW YORK– “A glut of foreclosed homes is starting to drive down U.S. home prices as lenders put more properties on the market and buyers show signs of interest. The ability of lenders to manage this fire sale will be crucial to determining how long the housing market stays in the dumps. If I may add my own personal opinion, I think this interest should be higher, who is kidding who? We make the best products in the world, got the most bombs, and its almost time for those damn yankees to take to the field, play ball America! Rarrrr!”


Daily Market update with Stern Bears

March 21, 2008

WALL STREET– This is the final update for Friday, March 21st, 2008. I would politely ask that Monkey get off the Stern Bears Blog and don’t make me ask you again. Have a good holiday weekend everyone. Rarrr!

Dow 12,361.32 261.66
Nasdaq 2,258.11 48.15
S&P 500 1,329.51 31.09
10 YR 3.33% -0.03
Oil $101.84 $-0.70
Gold $920.00 $-25.30

Market update with Mother Polar Bear

March 21, 2008


NORTH POLE–Rrroooaar! Who is talking to my polar cub, I see comments from a wolf! I have to report the market news now Raoooaar!

Stocks will enter the final week of the first quarter with investors hoping to build on nascent gains scored after the near-collapse and subsequent bailout of investment firm Bear Stearns.

Supportive actions by the Federal Reserve, a stronger dollar, and a plunge in commodities prices all seemed to mark a key turn in the credit crisis gripping markets.
“The Bear Stearns story was kind of like the turn-around everybody was waiting for,” said Paul Nolte, director of investments at Hinsdale Associates. “In any crisis, things keep getting from bad to worse until something breaks. In this crisis, something did break and that was Bear Stearns.”

After a week rocked by even wilder swings than those witnessed since the start of the year, stocks recovered to post their first weekly gains in four weeks, even if the week was shortened by the Good Friday holiday.

Dow 12,361.32 261.66
Nasdaq 2,258.11 48.15
S&P 500 1,329.51 31.09
10 YR 3.33% -0.03
Oil $101.84 $-0.70
Gold $920.00 $-25.30

Rarrr! There is money to be made!

March 20, 2008

(New York) As the Stern Bears CEO, I’d like to congratulate those of you that are working so hard. With all this March Madness in the Money sector, it’s hard to think about anything else. For instance, I wanted to watch some Sports Center last night, and Rarrr! The market bombs. So yesterday wasn’t reassuring at all, but no matter… the clear cutting must continue. I think we all know what I’m talking about when I joke about cutting down trees. Making money, and that is no joke. There is so much money to be made today its ridiculous, so lets think offensively and just bull rush this bear market until we got some heavy profit on our paws. Let’s do it bears, lets do it for the dow jones industrial average rarrr!


“Rarrr, I’m so pissed off right now!” Stern Bears Figurehead

March 17, 2008

stern bears

”This is the family figurehead… and damnit, you bears really went ahead and did it this time!”

“We are going to get back to basics stat. I want constant daily updates and to know what is going on in the market. I’m so pissed off right now, and as family figurehead I can’t believe how you bears have gone and screwed this up for me and bears in general. Thank God for the United States Bear Leniency laws and goddamn ranger rick looking out for all of us. I could’ve just shit when I became conscious of this un-bearable news… >>>MORE

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